Christmas and Eve Thereof

Brendan and I stayed up until 1:30 in the morning on Christmas Eve wrapping and assembling one of those arcade type dual basketball hoop thingies. Normally a late night such as that wouldn't bother me. But I literally fell asleep a few times holding some things steady for Bren. I guess when you take quadrillion pills for sizillion health issues, it gets to you.

Sleep. This thing was unheard of during college. Ask my roommates. Even ask friends who weren't my roommates with whom I talked to all night. And ask my husband with whom I dated very late into the night. (Children, disregard that sentence.) But come on, he was so cute.

Christmas wasn't that great once middle school rolled around. Cuz it was just clothes and bleh bleh. I know not everyone felt that way. I have friends, (Tonya) who thought the other 364 days of the year were meant to prepare for this Holiday. Buying gifts for others was always fun.

BUT. Christmas came alive for me again after Madelyn was born. Yes, she was only 3 months old on her first Christmas. But I couldn't wait. I was so excited. I woke Brendan and Madelyn up at 5:30 in the morning to open presents. And ever since then, Christmas has held it's magic.

I loved having them line up at the top of the stairs. Wait for me to go down and turn the Christmas Tree lights on. Then let them take a few stairs at a time and stop to pause for effect. They were all happy. Happy at what they got, happy for what their siblings got. Happy to rip the pretty paper and make messes. And happy to eat stocking junk food before breakfast.

It was a good day. Because I have them. Because I have Brendan who always feels whatever he's gotten me isn't enough because he wants to give me the world. And it was a good day, quadrillion pills or not, because I was there.

Even when expected, death is difficult

One of my sweet friends called a bit ago to say that her husband had just passed away. The tears haven't quite slowed yet.

When I was young, I walked to Elementary School. On the way there and back I would stop and visit with an elderly lady. I wish I could remember her name. I don't know how or when we became friends. I think it started with me watching her fill her flowerbeds and tend to her garden. It was the first time I heard about peat moss.

The two of us spent a lot of time together. I remember sitting at her table, talking about who knows what while eating her fresh made fruit leather. One of her walls had all kinds of sailboats on it. I loved everything about her little house and her. This lady who didn't even know who my parents were but shared her life with me, a 7 year old.

I have always had an affinity for gray hair and wrinkled eyes. As I, myself age, I've come to understand cognitively what I felt in my heart for so long, that our bodies succumb to a corruptive process, but our spirits stay youthful and vibrant.

This friend of mine who just lost her husband, though her wrinkles are plentiful, is the same as me on the inside. I consider all of this time that she has taken care of her ill husband and I love her even more. He suffered from the same disease that plagues my body. I see myself in him, limited by the shell we carry. And at the same time feel comfort in the knowledge that I have a husband who will care for me with all of the love that my friend has for her spouse.

I cry with her today. For her loss. For her service. For her empty home. My heart is with you, O.J. Richard has gone home to his Father in Heaven and is finally free of his pain.

Christmas Quotes from my Children

"Are we really getting nothing for Christmas?"

"I hope Christmas is like last year when I got a new tetherball and it was fun."

"I already knew that, the Tooth Fairy is dad, but Santa is real."

"Make sure you remember everything I want in my stocking."

"We already had Christmas last year."