Who so far there are none since I just started this blog. Yes, another blog. Stop it. That's not the point. The point is Poochie.
Rumours have escalated around the emotional trauma that Poochie the dog has had to endure since being shoved through the naked scanner at the airport. Apparently Poochie had an accident with a stick one day in his backyard. A tragic event that left him half the man he used to be.
Poochie tried to cover up this crude half-castration with some creative engineering from articles he recovered from the neighbors garbage can. (Well, they shouldn't have left it out on the curb that long. A dog can't be expected to have self control indefinately.) It's really amazing what duct tape can do.
But alas, poor Poochie was REVEALED during the naked scanner at O'Hare International. After the preceeding pat-down (inappropriate touching) the ingenious article was removed. Because apparently you no longer need underwear to be an underwear bomber. So said the grinning and somewhat slimy TSA worker.
You can imagine the humiliation. Of which Poochie seeks to be compensated for in the amount of 84 million 763 thousand 482 dollars and 36 cents. He is also suing for loss of girlfriend who no longer finds Poochie... suitable.
If you have any information - cell phone video - audio recording - water cooler gossip - to use in this case of, "Don't Touch My Literal Junk" please contact his lawyers.